The Asian

The Asian, also known as Jenny, is of unknown Asian decent. She works as a chef at a Mexican restaurant and teaches flemenco dancing on the side. Her arch nemesis is The Mexican, who stole her dream job at a chinese restaurant as well as her part-time dream job as a karate instuctor. In 1997, The Asian was kidnapped by Rona and Naya and replaced with another asian, who was working for the black side. Although the evil asian was three feet shorter than Jenny, spoke no english (except for the word "what"), could not cook or dance, and was a man, the rest of the Funk 4 were fooled for several weeks. Subsequently, Rona and Naya received a lot of information on the Funk 4,. But, since the evil asian did not speak English, much of the information (such as the secret identities and location of the home of the funk 4) was lost in the translation. However, Rona and Naya were able to ambush the Funk 4 when they secretly met on the roof of city hall. When the evil asian began fighting against the Funk 4, they realized he was not Jenny. The funk 4 were able to defeat Naya and Rona on the roof and retrieved Jenny. However, Jenny decided to leave the Funk 4 and was eventually replaced by The Agent.

Powers:
Karate
The Asian Stare

Song:
Chinese, Japenese,
Milk carton, Dolly Parton,
Garden hose, who knows?
But she's Asian.
And she's mean.
Hi-Yah!

Color:
Red

THE AGENT

THE AGENT, ALSO KNOWN AS SAM, IS A COLLEGE ENGLISH PROFESSOR WHO ALSO ENJOYS PHOTOGRAPHY AND BIOLOGY. WHILE PHOTOGRAPHING THE MONKEYS AT THE BIG TOWN ZOO, HE MET CARRIE (SASQUATCH). THE TWO BEGAN COURTING AND, AFTER A FEW MONTHS, ONLY DAYS AFTER THE ASIAN LEFT THE FUNK 4, SAM FOUND A SECRET ROOM IN THE HOUSE OF THE FUNK 4. THIS ROOM HOUSED THE COSTUMES AND TRAINING AREA OF THE FUNK 4. SAM DID NOT MAKE THE CONNECTION. THEN, THE SCHPAZZ SISTERS APPEARED AND EXCLAIMED, "OH, MY, MISTER SAM! YOU HAVE FOUND THE ROOM WHERE THE MISSESES KEEP THEIR TOP SECRET FUNK 4 UNIFORMS! WHAT ARE WE TO DO!?!" IT WAS AT THIS POINT THAT SAM KNEW SOMETHING WAS AMISS. HE ASKED CARRIE WHY SHE HAD FUNK 4 COSTUMES IN A SECRET ROOM, ASSUMING IT WAS JUST ANOTHER OF HER MANY OBSESSIONS, LIKE THE XFILES AND JEREMY IRONS. CARRIE TOLD HIM EVERYTHING. AT THE TIME, THE FUNK 4 WERE HOLDING AUDITIONS FOR THE ASIAN'S REPLACEMENT. SAM REALIZED HE HAD A UNIQUE ABILITY TO GO ANYWHERE UNNOTICED, DUE TO AVERAGABILITY. THUS, HE WAS ABLE TO PHOTOGRAPH ANYTHING. SAM DID NOT WANT TO BECOME A MEMBER OF THE FUNK 4 UNFAIRLY, SO HE AUDITIONED, DRESSED AS THE AGENT WITH EVERYONE ELSE, INCLUDING THE ARTISAN AND THE AGRIGARIAN. THE AGENT WAS CHOSEN AS THE NEW FUNK 4 MEMBER AND ONLY THEN DID SAM REVEAL HIMSELF.

POWERS:
OBSCURITY
PHOTOGRAPHY
USE OF ELEVATED DICTION
ABLE TO COME UP WITH CORNY ONE LINERS TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD IN ANY SERIOUS SUPERHERO VS. EVILDOER SITUATION

SONG:
SECRET AGENT SAM!!!
SECRET AGENT SAM!!!
HE CAN GO UNNOTICED ANYWHERE.
AND HE KNOWS THE DEFINITION OF "CEREBRIAL FLARE."
SECRET AGENT SAM!!!
SECRET AGENT SAM!!!

COLOR:
RED

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